Kelly Clarkson-Behind These Hazel Eyes

Wow...

Yes, it's been a while, for a LOT of reasons...

But NOW I feel the need to start writing again...

Lots of emotions...

Lots of heartache...

Lots of change...

Got to back up and PUNT!

Stay tuned and hold on. Who knows WHAT will come out of this mind that doesn't seem to STOP...

It may depress you. It may encourage you. It may inspire you. It may enrage you. But if it MOVES you, then good.

TOMORROW is ANOTHER day - literally and figuratively - and tomorrow, I WILL begin to write again.

I LOVE my family. Just so you know.

How entirely cool!!!

This is a link to my friend Shayla's blog...

http://sunshineandsprinkles.blogspot.com/2009/07/wordless-wednesday.html

This is her dad and brother and President Bush during a mountain bike ride! Whether you appreciated him as a President or not, you have to admit that it would be SO COOL to go mountain bike riding with a former PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES!!!! At least I do!

And this was linked with her permission, so if you decide to share, please ask her first.

I'm so proud of my son!

I found another picture of Brian on the Company Journals!!! He is the third person in the first row! I can't hardly wait until he graduates!!!!

Semper Paratus!

Well... You have to take the good with the bad.

I was very excited to get a call from my son tonight, but before I could get too happy, he said, "Don't get too excited yet. I have good news and bad news. The bad news is that I've been reverted to Victor Company and I won't graduate until July 31st rather than July 24th." Well, that just let the air out of my balloon. I asked what happened and he said, "Well, they got me the first time for having dirty laundry in my rack and then (I'm assuming today) they found a damp towel in my rack so I got busted." I said, "Well, that's a tough break." He said, "But the good news is that I've got my assignment! I'm going to the USCGC Dallas in Charleston, SC!!" He was excited about that! I told him that I would change all our travel plans and we'd see him on the 31st. He said he thought he'd get to call me again next weekend!

I am disappointed, but it's just one of those life lessons that he has to learn and it's one of the hardest kind for him to learn! He's a slob! LOL! I admit it! I was hoping they would break him of it. Either they will, or he will stay in boot camp for a year! LOL!!!

On a brighter note, he is kicking butt in class!!! He said he was acing all the tests and he was one of nine that made 100 on the mid-term! So that makes me really proud!

I wish I didn't have to wait another week to see him, but he's learning the hard way what it means to follow orders and be precise!

Semper Paratus!

There is Joy in my Heart! <3

Yes, there is JOY in my heart!

Well, I've had my surgery. It's been a week today. I'm doing really good, I think. I did have a really, REALLY bad night last night, but I've been better today and I'm "mentally" better today. If you've ever had chronic pain, you know what I mean by being "mentally" better. Chronic pain just works on your mind. It makes you angry, sad, and everything is always so overwhelming. Today, I feel like things are gonna be OK again.

One thing that really helped was that my wonderful husband hired two women to come "deep clean" my house. Until I got hurt, my house was never this dirty. But when you get to where you can't even sweep or vacuum the floor without stopping to rest to let the pain ease, you just do what you can do to keep things decent and let the rest go. You have to. But it bothered me so much to have my house "not clean" the way I wanted it clean. Today, they cleaned and it has just lifted my spirits tremendously!!! So, thank you baby! He also bought me some sunflowers to go with my calla lilies that I grew in my flower garden. He knows I love sunflowers. He loves me! And I just ADORE him!!! He's the best.

Another reason my spirits are lifted is that the kids bought me a baby puppy for my birthday. She is the sweetest thing. Her name is Sassy Bella and she is a maltipoo! She has the sweetest nature. I love her already. She will be so much company to me. I get so lonely sitting here night after night with no one to talk to. I'm not used to that. I'm used to having to be somewhere with the kids or having my husband here with me. Now that he is in the Coast Guard and she is getting ready to leave for college (and is never here) and my husband started working nights, I was just lost. I was just so lonely. But Bella is helping this a lot!

I started back working today too! Granted, I am working from home, but I AM WORKING and USING MY BRAIN! =} I'm going to work from home at least this week and next week and maybe the next. I'm not going to jeopardize my surgery... THIS SURGERY HAS TO BE SUCCESSFUL!!!

Oh! I've also got all our travel plans made for Brian's graduation on July 24th - flights, rental car, hotel, EVERYTHING!!! THIS makes me SMILE!!! Semper Paratus!

Tomorrow's a big day...

Well, tomorrow is a very big day for me. Actually, TODAY is a very big day for me since I just noticed that it's 12:58...

Today, I have my second cervical spine surgery. They are going to remove the disc right below the first one they removed a couple of years ago. It appeared to us then that both discs should have been removed since both were damaged, but the neurosurgeon didn't think that was best. Well, the neurosurgeon was wrong as it turns out. My NEW neurosurgeon is now going to have to remove some of the old work and then repair all of it again.

It scares me. I have irrational (and maybe they're not irrational) fears of being paralyzed. I don't know WHY I'm more afraid this time, but I am. My kids aren't here and that scares me.

If you read this today, June 22, say a little prayer for me. This surgery REALLY, REALLY needs to go well. I need this pain to stop. I need to be healthy and happy and to be the BEST wife and mother and daughter and friend and coworker and whatever that I can be! I need to be ME!

I love my family very, very much and I cherish every day that I have with them. But, I hope that after this surgery, we will have MANY, MANY more wonderfully glorious days ahead that are days full of laughter and joy and not pain.