My soulmate...

I love this man.

He is the most wonderful man in the world.

He is my husband, my best friend, my confidant, my soulmate, my sounding board, my comforter, my everything.

I just love this man with everything within me.

Happy Birthday, My Son...

I am up tonight because I've got so much on my mind - mostly work related...

But, it is also on my mind that today is my first born's 20th birthday. I sent him a text message at 12 AM on the dot. I don't know if he got it or not. I don't know if he will respond or not.

I miss him, but I am OK with the little bird leaving the nest. He is going to stumble and fall. Who hasn't? The odds are against him because of the path he has chosen, but if he really is the son I raised, he will be OK. At least that is my prayer.

So, happy birthday, my son.

I'll love you forever, I'll like you for always, As long as I'm living my baby you'll be. I used to read that to you EVERY SINGLE night for the longest time. You'd say it with me and we would hug and smile.

I read this on another's blog, but I wanted to repost it...

The purest, most unselfish love I have...is for my children. Their happiness is my life's greatest desire. Today, each one called and each one said "I love you Mom." And my happiness is complete.

by Robert Munsch

A mother held her new baby and very slowly rocked him back and forth, back and forth, back and forth. And while she held him, she sang:

I'll love you forever,

I'll like you for always,

As long as I'm living

my baby you'll be.

The baby grew. He grew and he grew and he grew. He grew until he was two years old, and he ran all around the house. He pulled all the books off the shelves. He pulled all the food out of the refrigerator and he took his mother's watch and flushed it down the toilet. Sometimes his mother would say, "this kid is driving me CRAZY!" But at night time, when that two-year-old was quiet, she opened the door to his room, crawled across the floor, looked up over the side of his bed; and if he was really asleep she picked him up and rocked him back and forth, back and forth, back and forth. While she rocked him she sang:

I'll love you forever,

I'll like you for always,

As long as I'm living

my baby you'll be.

The little boy grew. He grew and he grew and he grew. He grew until he was nine years old. And he never wanted to come in for dinner, he never wanted to take a bath, and when grandma visited he always said bad words. Sometimes his mother wanted to sell him to the zoo! But at night time, when he was asleep, the mother quietly opened the door to his room, crawled across the floor and looked up over the side of the bed. If he was really asleep, she picked up that nine-year-old boy and rocked him back and forth, back and forth, back and forth. And while she rocked him she sang:

I'll love you forever,

I'll like you for always,

As long as I'm living

my baby you'll be.

The boy grew. He grew and he grew and he grew. He grew until he was a teenager. He had strange friends and he wore strange clothes and he listened to strange music. Sometimes the mother felt like she was in a zoo! But at night time, when that teenager was asleep, the mother opened the door to his room, crawled across the floor and looked up over the side of the bed. If he was really asleep she picked up that great big boy and rocked him back and forth, back and forth, back and forth. While she rocked him she sang:

I'll love you forever,

I'll like you for always,

As long as I'm living

my baby you'll be.

That teenager grew. He grew and he grew and he grew. He grew until he was a grown-up man. He left home and got a house across town. But sometimes on dark nights the mother got into her car and drove across town. If all the lights in her son's house were out, she opened his bedroom window, crawled across the floor, and looked up over the side of his bed. If that great big man was really asleep she picked him up and rocked him back and forth, back and forth, back and forth. And while she rocked him she sang:

I'll love you forever,

I'll like you for always,

As long as I'm living

my baby you'll be.

Well, that mother, she got older. She got older and older and older. One day she called up her son and said, "You'd better come see me because I'm very old and sick." So her son came to see her. When he came in the door she tried to sing the song. She sang:

I'll love you forever,

I'll like you for always...

But she couldn't finish because she was too old and sick.

The son went to his mother. He picked her up and rocked her back and forth, back and forth, back and forth. And he sang this song:

I'll love you forever,

I'll like you for always,

As long as I'm living

my Mommy you'll be.

When the son came home that night, he stood for a long time at the top of the stairs. Then he went into the room where his very new baby daughter was sleeping. He picked her up in his arms and very slowly rocked her back and forth, back and forth, back and forth. And while he rocked her he sang:

I'll love you forever,

I'll like you for always,

As long as I'm living

my baby you'll be.

My daughter, the gorilla!!!!!

Oh, there is TRULY a very amusing story behind this headline, but I just had to get the picture below posted!!!

I will explain the remark later, but let's just say...

WE BEAT McNASTY!!!!

My son...

It is now the day before my son's 20th birthday.

I haven't talked to him since Thursday when he left his sister's Soccer Banquet without seeing her get her awards or telling her goodbye... I didn't raise him that way...

She was (for the third straight year) chosen Defensive Player of the Year and she made the All District Team. I was so proud of her, but he put a damper on it... I hate it that I allow his actions to affect her celebrations. I love both of my children dearly, but he is really making it hard to show that. She has done everything right. She should be rewarded far greater than I can accomodate. He has chosen a path that I don't understand, I don't agree with, and it occupies so much of my time worrying about him. It's not fair to her.

Anyway, his birthday is in one more day. Last year, he was in Knoxville (at college) on his birthday and it was the very first birthday I had ever spent away from him. I called him multiple times. I cried (and cried and cried). But I was so proud because he was a student at the University of Tennessee at Knoxville!!!!! This year, he is living somewhere in Pickwick. I'm not exactly sure where. I've not been invited there and I honestly don't expect to be. This little boy who clung to his mother and for so many years was her very best friend has outgrown me and chosen to seemingly forget everything we ever had. I don't know him. He very rarely will even answer my phone calls. I don't know why he seemingly doesn't even love me anymore. What did I do wrong? Did I love him too much? Did I trust him too much? Did I assume he was as grown up as he appeared to me but really wasn't? WHAT DID I DO WRONG?

I do know he wants an entire Chicken and Rice casserole for his birthday. It's his favorite. That's all I know. I don't know when he wants it or if he's coming over or what... I hate it that he is going to have to learn about life the HARD way, but I think it's harder on ME than it is on him.

I LOVE MY SON! I just don't know who he is anymore.

I love my nephew!!!

Oh, my. Mellissa and Evan came over today and Jeff and I were just in heaven!!!! I love that baby so much my heart just hurts!!! When you hold him, he just HUGS you!!!! He has done that since he was little bitty!!! I made pictures and I will post some of them later, but I JUST LOVE THAT BABY AND HIS MAMA!!!! Jeff and I want to adopt them BOTH!!!! We love them so much!!!

More thoughts later, but I just had to say...

I LOVE THAT BABY!!!!!!!

I need to scream...

My heart is broken...

I don't know who my son is anymore...

I am sad and my heart hurts...